Wordy Wednesday: bullying vs Rude vs Mean


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Ugh! I want to pull my hair out. First spring break and now some random state holiday. These kids need to be back in school. They are getting on each other’s nerves and mine. Every 5 seconds it’s “he did this….” Or “she did that…”. They keep picking on each other and everyone’s tempers are thin. I don’t know how many times my kids have approached me this past week and I have that ask them if they are tattling or reporting. However, the positive is that- they are learning the difference. Want to teach your kids the difference? See here how I did it.

It has been a learning process over the years to figure out how best each child learns. It took me a while and even now I get confused on who learns best which way. Because of course it can’t be the same for everyone.

Those moments was brought on one day at our doctor. We went to a appointment and the nurse triaging me asked how I learned best. I stopped and had to think about it. Telling me didn’t work; I’m a visual learner. She gave me the choices and I told her it was all of them. I asked what that meant. She explained that if they ever need to teach me how to administer a drug or treatment they will be able to do it in a way I will understand. Why did that shock me so? Its brilliance. So I got to thinking why don’t teachers stop and asses which child learns what ways. It might help millions of children excel in school and life better. However, since I can’t impact that many children, I can at least set mine up for success. I realized I can teach them in their best learning style, and once they are older I can teach them the best way for them to study. But until then they will stand next to me while I’m on the couch tattle telling or reporting on each other.

I finally had enough of them and sent them to their rooms for some quiet separate time. However, before my son left, he let out one of those replies that makes your blood boil as a parent. My mom referred to it as the “f” word; FINE! Oh hell no, you just did not throw that word at me little boy. But, oh sure enough he did. His eye brows went up and his eyes got huge as he saw that look of evil spread across my face.

He walked over to me, head hung low, and said he was sorry. I stopped even madder now. Does he even know why he is apologizing? No, he just saw my reaction and via all our social stories and experiences, knows that face means he is in trouble. Autism, sometimes I hate you.

I ask him why he apologized. He said because he knew I was mad. I asked him if he knew why I was. He said because “I don’t know”. I tell him what he said was rude to me. I asked him if he knew what that meant. He replied “mean”. I stopped and had to think about it. Rude does mean mean; but it means more than that.

I started getting angry with myself. I realized I had never explained to him what rude and mean meant. How can I be mad at him for not teaching him yet we don’t talk like that. I simply can’t. No one can. So I stood there trying to find the right explanation of the word. It was hard. And I basically skirted around it. I just didn’t have a good answer. So I had to find one.

First thing was I knew I could not define the word with the word itself. So I can’t say mean means mean. Instead due to Bug’s way of learning, I needed to come up with concrete examples and definitions. While looking around I ran across this article by Signe Whitson, written a few years back.

She writes about the differences between bullying, mean and rude. Perfect! And since we are school age now it is great to teach them about bullying.

The one thing I want to also teach my children is how to recognize what bullying is. We all know how being bullied can effect ones ego and self esteem; but if one of your deficiencies is social how are you going to realize you are being bullied? It’s a horrible set of circumstances. I have already seen it happen to my children and seen what it can do when they don’t understand what is going on.

Here is another resource our ABA gave to me today:

www.socialthinking.com– super flex

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Wordy Wednesday…ABC Mouse!


So today’s Wordy Wednesday post is not really an acronym, but ABC is kind of an abbreviation, right?  ABC Mouse is something my husband actually discovered one day when we were at my parent’s house.  The kids were watching Nick Jr., and there was a commercial for it during one of their favorite shows.  My husband looked it up and showed it to me and we were both impressed right away.

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It’s an on-line curriculum for PreK through Kindergarten that keeps track of your child’s progress.  That way, my younger son can get on and do things without “messing up” what my Kindergartener is already working on.  There is a huge variety of  topics from letters, numbers, music, nonfiction and fiction books the kids can read, virtual field trips, and on and on.  Seriously, there is more than I could ever list here. I love that it is a…

ImageTotally personalized for my child and I don’t have to keep track of anything.  There is a monthly subscription fee, but that fee covered both of my kids.  Right now, you can try it for free for one month to see if it is something you’d like to pay to continue.  We have really liked it.  Our annual membership is nearly up, and we will definitely be renewing.  I think it’s going to be great for my boys to have over the summer, to help keep their skills fresh.

Another cool option is the ABC Mouse app.

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It’s free, and has different music videos for each letter of the alphabet.  The kids earn tickets each time they watch a video and can “buy” videos with those tickets.  Both my boys love this.  I think the quality is great, half the time my husband and I find ourselves watching along with them.

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Definitely worth checking these out if you have kiddos in this age group.  I know that it’s common for kids on the spectrum to gravitate towards technology, so this is a good way to expose them to new things using an interest they already have.  Have a good one!

I just found a bowl of cereal in my bathroom…


Motherhood can drive you nuts sometimes.  I used to be a pretty stylish lady.  I could put together complete sentences, read books, and then have intellectual conversations about said books.  I could shower, fix my hair, and put on make-up every day instead of just picking one of the three and calling it good.  

I didn’t have drips of milk running down my walls, orange cheetos-smudges on my windowsills, or a package of wipes within reach no matter where you sit in any of my rooms.  I didn’t come across random bowls of cereal in the bathroom (that really happened, and not too long ago). 

All of this chaos leads to mommy moments where you question, “what did I do to my neat, organized life?”  Well, in my case, my life was never that neat.  But it was my mess, dang it, and I liked it.  All of these feelings are normal and temporary.  Temporary because your little kiddos are growing every  minute, right before your bleary, sleep-deprived eyes.  It may seem like the days are dragging as you wash the bottles, tie the shoes, change the diapers, remind of the manners, bake the cupcakes.  But these days won’t last forever.  

One of the mentor moms in a MOPS group I attended shared the following poem and it has stuck with me years later.  It’s called Wet Oatmeal Kisses and it’s by Erma Bombeck:

The baby is teething. The children are fighting. Your husband just called and said, “Eat dinner without me.” One of these days you’ll explode and shout to the kids, “Why don’t you grow up and act your age?” And they will.

Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don’t slam the door!” And they don’t. You’ll straighten their bedrooms all neat and tidy, toys displayed on the shelf, hangers in the closet, animals caged. You’ll yell, “Now I want it to stay this way!” And it will.

You will prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t had all the olives picked out and a cake with no finger traces in the icing and you’ll say, “Now THIS is a meal for company.” And you will eat it alone.

You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around, no pantomines, no demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” and you’ll have it. No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti, no more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent, no more dandelion bouquets, no more iron-on patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, missing mittens, or ponytails falling out.

Imagine, a lipstick with a point, no babysitter, washing clothes only once a week, no parent meetings, carpools, Christmas presents out of toothpicks and paste.

No more wet oatmeal kisses.

No more toothfairy, giggles in the dark, or knees to heal.

Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing,

“I did”

Brings me to tears every time.  When I am in the midst of all the craziness I try to remember this poem, hoping it will give me some perspective.  Then, if that doesn’t work, maybe I’ll eat a bowl of cereal in my bathroom and cry.  🙂

Wordy Wenesday- CYS


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It might not be morning anymore where your at, but here in a Hawaii it is. And it is a beautiful one. Only a small cloud cap on the mountain by base; so you can see the observation tower at the top as the clouds pass.

But I’m not writing to boast about my amazing life here; well sometimes {wink}. This morning I was planning on re-registering my three spawn with Child and Youth Services(CYS). Before now all three had expiration dates in three different months. Finally, I let SB’s lapse and I’m going to do Bugs early. Maybe we can finally get them on the same schedule?

So what is Child and Youth Service? (CYS)? For us here in Hawaii, and I think most military installations, CYS is under MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation). Under MWR you will find a lot of helpful programs from a Scream-Free Parenting course, New Baby Program and how to sign up for swim lessons. The most important department for me under MWR is Child and Youth Services (CYS).

At CYS, the one thing you need to do and know is this is where you go to register your children for sports, Parents Night Out (if your base supports this), after school programs, hourly care and more. Mainly if you want your child to participate in anything on base, they will need to be registered with CYS.

I probably picked the wrong month to have my children re-registered with CYS. This is a yearly re-registration you will have to do. Why is August a bad month? Well one of the requirements is a up to date physical and shots. Which means you will be battling all those parents (like I did yesterday) trying to get their children up to date for school enrollment. But to help limit the time I linked up the Hawaii CYS registration packet that can be found online. I am assuming that some of the forms are Army wide. If you plan on downloading please make sure you print off the ones that are relevant for you.

Hawaii CYS Registration Packet 

 

Have a beautiful day!