Mommy Moment Mondays: I Sterotyped My Kids


I talk… a lot. I especially talk a lot when it is a topic I know or feel I know a lot about. So when it comes to talking to a group of moms about being an advocate for your special needs children I want to jump up and down raising my hand screaming “pick me!” because I can’t contain all the information, helpful advice, funny stories, realizations and resources I have accumulated over these short years. I just want to word vomit over everyone. And then I start sounding like a know-it-all. I hate that most. I don’t think I know everything, but I have been through so many different experiences on this topic that I feel what I can saw and the little I do know can help and be comforting to some people; whether or not you actually want to hear it. So today I was overjoyed when someone like me, who has much older children, was speaking at my MOPS meeting. I wanted to soak in every bit of information she was going to word vomit on me; I just couldn’t wait. I would be her in so many years and I am a little afraid of that. I am starting to look for people like me who have been through this type of parenting before- parenting older children with special needs. I felt it was a sign that I needed to hear what she had to say today. I just didn’t imagine how dejected it would make me feel.

Her talk was great. It touched base on the main points I always give to parents who have just received a new diagnosis for their child. You have to be your  child’s advocate; but her message was more than that. She described how you needed to be an advocate for all your children; not just the one who require additional care. That was when I realized it; all these years I had been so proud of myself for not really labeling my children and what I was actually doing was defining them.

I lump Bug and Diva into a group that requires more time, more of my energy and more of my attention to parent because of their special needs. In the corner sits SB, happy as a lark, but with her own parental requirements that are not being met. The speaker’s point that touched me was that just because her two oldest children did not require any above average assistance to navigate life, didn’t mean that they would not eventually need someone to fight for their rights.

I like to talk about how I treat my two ASD children as “normal” as possible. I don’t want them growing up feeling things are made different (or easy) just for them. I want them to experience life as humanly normal as can be. I strive very hard to make that happen. I put them in preschool, dance, sports and schedule play dates. Ask me if I have done that for SB. No, Why? I felt like she doesn’t need the extra attention (and she is only 2). That is my mistake. She may need more.

I noticed it briefly with Diva before she was diagnosed. It is a behavior where one child sees all the extra attention, people, and “fun” games and work the other child gets to do. They child without the therapy starts to get upset and feels lonely and like something is wrong with them. Not realizing, it is the total opposite. As quickly as I saw that train of thought appear on Diva’s face she was diagnosed and given her own set of “friends”. I haven’t seen that mind set in SB yet; but I know one day it will come. When that day does I need to be ready. I actually need to be ready now. I set her to the side mentally at times knowing she is fine, “normal”. However, it’s wrong and it is now that I realize that I do sterotype my own children into categories of special needs and “normal”.

Where Diva and Bug need me to fight for OT, speech and other services including IEP’s or 504’s; SB will need me to fight for her to be included in games and activities. SB is a lover, not a fighter. She is strong willed but not competitive. She will happily watch her siblings play games and try to join, but as soon as she is rejected she shuts down. Someone needs to fight for her. Someone needs to show her that if you aren’t able to play that game, there are many more that will come along. She also needs someone to fight for her and show her that she is always loved. That just because she doesn’t have her own “friends” filtering in and out of the house all week long, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with her. It means just the opposite. It means she perfect. Not perfect because she is “normal”, but perfect because she is exactly who God made her and wanted her to be. It was God’s choice to give these three precious gifts for me to grow and nurture into amazing humans. It is my choice to accept and love them for who they are no matter their labels, abilities or inabilities.


Digging Deeper into IEP: What is PLEP?


I was educated this week about new procedures Tricare is now requiring potential and current patients of therapy (OT, Speech, PT and ect) to renew or approve their requests. Due to this, my son’s OT has now been denied twice by insurance. When I called both times they stated it was due to X reason. So I fixed X reason, and it was denied again. Then a few days later Bug’s OT got in contact with me and told me the real reason behind his therapy denials per Tricare. But before insurance would consider renewing his services, they required proof that he was not receiving OT during school hours.  You can no longer receive private therapy if you are also receiving the same therapy provided by the school system. Another way companies are trying to cheat their customers. Another day another post. To solve this issues, Bug’s OT asked for a copy of his PLEP.

<invison jaw dropping here>

For the past three years I have dealt with the special education platform. Being involved with it for three years does not make me an expert by any means, but I have become familiar with some of the parts, pieces and protocols involved with IEP’s and the SPED. So I had to look up what PLEP was and figured since I had to, I’d pass on the knowledge and a little extra to help be one step ahead on understanding your child’s IEP.


The Autism Center for Education has a great resource online here, explaining what PLEP and PLAAFP are. In addition to what they have provided there is also a well written explanation on the steps of how one is put together before the IEP meeting. I don’t see you or I sitting down to write a PLEP or a  PLAAP (unless you are a SPED teacher), but seeing how they are written allows us as parents and advocaters to be one step ahead and educate ourselves on the process so we are able to ask more educated questions about the IEP itself.

Tricare Invokes New Restrictions And Cutbacks On ABA Therapy

Earlier today while I was catching up on the world as I was sleeping, I came across a article that sent me into a small panic. One that you get Monday morning when you realized you forgot to do the laundry and no one has no clean clothes.

The article talks about how Tricare is putting new restrictions and cutbacks on the ABA program. Say wha?!

First you are switching us to United which has caused so many problems that you grant every referral approval because they don’t have the means to deal with them all (even though that is true, it still took me 38 days to get a referral approved. It was lost in United system 4 times!). And now you want to implement new restrict and cutbacks when there has been a increase in ASD diagnosis?

Well it looks like United might have woken up a little bit. Sources say the article that came out today was written before United created such pandemic of problems when it took over. For the time being I think we can all take a slight breather that nothing is actually changing for our kiddos. Nevertheless, when it does change it will mainly impact retires.