Tip{py} Tuesday: Quick Ironing Tip


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Let me start this post off with- I’m not awake. It has been some long days since we arrived back on the mainland. Lots of fun with family, visited some wineries and playing tourist just about every day has lead to some long days and even longer melt downs. Can you blame me?!

So today is no different. We are up early, again, and headed off to the best free zoo in the country. However, living out of a suitcase has it’s downfalls. One happens to be wrinkles. Sadly, some of our family members don’t own irons. More sadly is if they did, I still wouldn’t use one. I could also say that with kids on the spectrum, I try to avoid all impending disasters. I can just picture ironing my shorts and one of the littles running into the cord whipping the iron out of my hand and me (not awake) trying to catch it. So I have invited numerous ways to “iron” out some wrinkles.

The fastest and easiest way is the one I just used.

Take wrinkled bent under short hem. I straighten it out, wet a wash cloth and rub the wrinkle.

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The end result is that you basically did a quick wash and unwrinkle the wrinkle without burning yourself or your children. Hope this helps some of you feel a little more presentable to the outside world. Which just reminded me I forgot my deodorant this morning. Have a glorious day!

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Mommy Moment Monday- The Moment When….


The moment when you step on something on the bathroom floor. You look down to see a dried mass of brown….something. Then three feet away you notice the wet toilet paper with a matching brown mass of ….something. Then you remember how 5 minutes before hand you had your foot on the counter and your husband was pulling a small piece of glass out of a cut. Then visions of your foot getting infected, falling off and having a peg leg shoot into your head. Yes, this was my Monday morning and yes it was dried poop.

I wont bore you with the disgusting details of the conversation we had discussing why Bug left poop and poopy toilet paper on the ground. However, I will tell you it was quiet entertaining.

Wordy Wednesday: bullying vs Rude vs Mean


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Ugh! I want to pull my hair out. First spring break and now some random state holiday. These kids need to be back in school. They are getting on each other’s nerves and mine. Every 5 seconds it’s “he did this….” Or “she did that…”. They keep picking on each other and everyone’s tempers are thin. I don’t know how many times my kids have approached me this past week and I have that ask them if they are tattling or reporting. However, the positive is that- they are learning the difference. Want to teach your kids the difference? See here how I did it.

It has been a learning process over the years to figure out how best each child learns. It took me a while and even now I get confused on who learns best which way. Because of course it can’t be the same for everyone.

Those moments was brought on one day at our doctor. We went to a appointment and the nurse triaging me asked how I learned best. I stopped and had to think about it. Telling me didn’t work; I’m a visual learner. She gave me the choices and I told her it was all of them. I asked what that meant. She explained that if they ever need to teach me how to administer a drug or treatment they will be able to do it in a way I will understand. Why did that shock me so? Its brilliance. So I got to thinking why don’t teachers stop and asses which child learns what ways. It might help millions of children excel in school and life better. However, since I can’t impact that many children, I can at least set mine up for success. I realized I can teach them in their best learning style, and once they are older I can teach them the best way for them to study. But until then they will stand next to me while I’m on the couch tattle telling or reporting on each other.

I finally had enough of them and sent them to their rooms for some quiet separate time. However, before my son left, he let out one of those replies that makes your blood boil as a parent. My mom referred to it as the “f” word; FINE! Oh hell no, you just did not throw that word at me little boy. But, oh sure enough he did. His eye brows went up and his eyes got huge as he saw that look of evil spread across my face.

He walked over to me, head hung low, and said he was sorry. I stopped even madder now. Does he even know why he is apologizing? No, he just saw my reaction and via all our social stories and experiences, knows that face means he is in trouble. Autism, sometimes I hate you.

I ask him why he apologized. He said because he knew I was mad. I asked him if he knew why I was. He said because “I don’t know”. I tell him what he said was rude to me. I asked him if he knew what that meant. He replied “mean”. I stopped and had to think about it. Rude does mean mean; but it means more than that.

I started getting angry with myself. I realized I had never explained to him what rude and mean meant. How can I be mad at him for not teaching him yet we don’t talk like that. I simply can’t. No one can. So I stood there trying to find the right explanation of the word. It was hard. And I basically skirted around it. I just didn’t have a good answer. So I had to find one.

First thing was I knew I could not define the word with the word itself. So I can’t say mean means mean. Instead due to Bug’s way of learning, I needed to come up with concrete examples and definitions. While looking around I ran across this article by Signe Whitson, written a few years back.

She writes about the differences between bullying, mean and rude. Perfect! And since we are school age now it is great to teach them about bullying.

The one thing I want to also teach my children is how to recognize what bullying is. We all know how being bullied can effect ones ego and self esteem; but if one of your deficiencies is social how are you going to realize you are being bullied? It’s a horrible set of circumstances. I have already seen it happen to my children and seen what it can do when they don’t understand what is going on.

Here is another resource our ABA gave to me today:

www.socialthinking.com– super flex

Mommy Monday: Beyond Our Front Porch


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Today I had MOPS. Our co-coordinator spoke about telling your life story and creating your story board to help. It was a great talked and it brought back a few things I have been trying to work on personally and goals I want to achieve. We all have grand notions of making goals and setting about wanting to change something about ourselves; but like most resolutions, I fail. I guess that it isn’t that I fail, it’s that I forget. If I don’t have a constant reminder of what it is I am working on, then I have a hard time staying on task.

One of those goals is putting my kids first. Yes, I said it. I don’t always put them first. Does that name me selfish? No, it makes me real and makes me; me. I see these woman trying to live up to a friend they live vicariously through on Facebook or build a home around photography they have seen on Pinterest. However, one day it hits them. It’s not working and they feel like they have failed. They have surrounded themselves with unrealistic goals and ideas, because those goals and ideas were their own.

My friend today shared a story that many people have heard before:

A woman invited her friend over to visit. She meets the friend at the door and offers her a seat on her Home and Garden picture perfect front porch. The two women take sit. Soon the woman offers her friend refreshments and snacks. Inside she goes and brings out a silver platter with pristine sandwich cakes, gourmet cookies and other picture perfect food. The two ladies have a great conversation and visit, soon they hug and the friend leaves.

Her friend is jealous that this woman, with her five kids, is so much more put together than her. The woman probably showered everyday, dressed in ironed and pressed clothes and seemed like she got a complete night of sleep every night.

As the friend leaves, the woman takes a deep breath and exhales as she slowly opens the front door. She trips over the mountain of toys that are scattered and heads into the kitchen where the sink is over flowing with dirty food covered dishes.

She didn’t want her friend to see any of it. She didn’t want her friend to know she was wearing yesterday’s clothes and hadn’t had time for a shower in days. But she gave off the false impression that everything was great; from the front porch.

I realized to a certain extend I do that. I want everyone to think that even with my three special children; I still have it all together. The fact is I don’t. I have a rocky relationship with Diva and constant hate myself for her not loving me the way she loves her father. I have a habit if atomically telling my children “no”, even if it them asking for water and I get irritated when they want to talk to me because I want just 5 more minutes to myself.

I’m trying; very hard. I’ve made progress but not enough. Every day I try harder. But as a mom, I know it’s not my best. I hope that day comes; hopefully before they move out of the house.

Tip{py} Tuesdays: How to Be the WANT in Your ASD Child’s Life


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It is mentioned over and over again that one of the amazing characteristics of ASD children (and adults) is their true nature to latch onto a topic or hobby and emerge themselves in it becoming a subject matter expert. Sometimes they even mature into self taught masters of a skill or talent. Everyone needs to start somewhere. We, as parents, can choose to simply admire their capabilities or engage them in them. Personally, there has been a time with each child that I find it hard to relate to them on a personal and most basic level. I admit, I still have this issue with Diva. With Bug, he is a boy, and it was harder for me to relate to him based on gender and the ASD. With Diva, it is the ASD and just her. I struggle every day to figure out a way to connect with her. So I took a step back and looked at what I did to forge a bond, that I felt should have been natural, but was forced with Bug.

I remember watching him one day. I wanted to sit next to him so bad and play what he was playing. I wanted to talk to him about dragons and ninjas and simply have a conversation with him. However, ever time I walked near him and his playing field, he would yell at me and tell me to go away. He wanted nothing to do with me; I didn’t interest him. And due to the ASD, I never would. But I love him. I wanted to be accepted into his world. So I sat and thought. Until I realized I needed to interest him. I didn’t need him to need me, I needed him to want me. I think as parents we all want that feeling of being wanted. You need air to survive, but you want the things that make you happiest in life. I needed my son to want me. So, I found a way into his world.

Last week, Diva came into our den and sat next to me staring at my hands as I did some cross stitching and then some hand embroidery work. She sat and sat, watching my hands move the needle and floss in and out. Eventually, she ran off. A little while later she came back to show me something. She had found the crayons and paper and drew, what to her, was a copy of the project I was working on. So then I knew a way into her world.

Like her mama, she loves arts and crafts. She draws dozens of pictures every day, staples stickers to every flat surface she can find (thank you Goo Gone!) and will literally fall apart if she sees one of her masterpieces fall into the trash. The next day I went to Wal-Mart and walked into the joke of a craft section. Picked up supplies and brought them home. Super Bowl Sunday we sat down on the couch in the den together and worked on her first cross stitch. It wasn’t easy, but she did a few stitches. As soon as I saw her getting frustrated, I told her to go watch TV for a minute. So off and on we worked on a few stitches at a time. At this rate I think we might finish the one simple heart in a year. However, everyday since she has asked to work on it; if only for a few minutes and stitches at a time.