Tip{py} Tuesday: Learning Has Occurred; Fear the Mom Guilt


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Here’s a great parenting tip for you: try not to feel to guilty when your children test the rules you set for them and find out the hard way why there were rules in the first place. Really don’t beat yourself up over their learning experience. Ultimately, that was the result. It was a learning experience for your child and for you to see how your child would react when breaking the rules and receiving a negative consequence.  Hubs and I like to phrase it as “learning has occurred”.

Learning occurred on both parts this past weekend; with me and the spawn. There were tears shed, lots. There were stern words said, lots. And there were feelings of guilt, lots. Maybe I should start at the beginning of the events:

Every family has its own set of rules. Don’t touch hot stoves; don’t jump in the shower; fruit before snacks and so on. In our family we also have- don’t stick your arms out the car windows and tell us if you are going with mom/dad in a store.

Both older spawn broke those rules this weekend. As a mom I felt at first I should be sympatric. Diva was scared she got lost and Bug was sad because he got his finger stuck in the window as Hubs rolled it up. However, within a few seconds reality took over me and I smiled. I smiled big. I almost wanted to laugh. But I contained myself and pushed that feeling back down to the pit of my stomach. I asked Bug if it hurt when his finger got stuck. He said yes. I then asked him why it hurt and he said “because I didn’t listen to the rule”. I then asked Diva what happened to her that day. She said she got lost. I asked her how that felt and she replied sad and scared and that she never wanted to leave me again (maybe that backfired….)

Some people might think I was being rude, cold hearted, not loving enough or maybe I even suffer from a little bit of ASD myself. Call it what you want to, but I call it a victory for parents! Because? Learning has occurred.

So it’s tippy Tuesday; so where is my tip? Here it is: don’t feel mom guilt when your children learn their lesson. Diva was “lost” for a split second and Bug had a scare factor of about a 8. Both children are fine, no one broke a bone and no one was ever in immediate danger. For me, it’s the mom guilt I feel that makes me soft; feeling sorry for our children after they are hurt, babying them too much when they get a boo boo. There is a line we must not cross as parents in order for our children to learn the right way how to follow rules and understand their own limits. Otherwise, learning will never occur.

 

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Mommy Monday: Beyond Our Front Porch


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Today I had MOPS. Our co-coordinator spoke about telling your life story and creating your story board to help. It was a great talked and it brought back a few things I have been trying to work on personally and goals I want to achieve. We all have grand notions of making goals and setting about wanting to change something about ourselves; but like most resolutions, I fail. I guess that it isn’t that I fail, it’s that I forget. If I don’t have a constant reminder of what it is I am working on, then I have a hard time staying on task.

One of those goals is putting my kids first. Yes, I said it. I don’t always put them first. Does that name me selfish? No, it makes me real and makes me; me. I see these woman trying to live up to a friend they live vicariously through on Facebook or build a home around photography they have seen on Pinterest. However, one day it hits them. It’s not working and they feel like they have failed. They have surrounded themselves with unrealistic goals and ideas, because those goals and ideas were their own.

My friend today shared a story that many people have heard before:

A woman invited her friend over to visit. She meets the friend at the door and offers her a seat on her Home and Garden picture perfect front porch. The two women take sit. Soon the woman offers her friend refreshments and snacks. Inside she goes and brings out a silver platter with pristine sandwich cakes, gourmet cookies and other picture perfect food. The two ladies have a great conversation and visit, soon they hug and the friend leaves.

Her friend is jealous that this woman, with her five kids, is so much more put together than her. The woman probably showered everyday, dressed in ironed and pressed clothes and seemed like she got a complete night of sleep every night.

As the friend leaves, the woman takes a deep breath and exhales as she slowly opens the front door. She trips over the mountain of toys that are scattered and heads into the kitchen where the sink is over flowing with dirty food covered dishes.

She didn’t want her friend to see any of it. She didn’t want her friend to know she was wearing yesterday’s clothes and hadn’t had time for a shower in days. But she gave off the false impression that everything was great; from the front porch.

I realized to a certain extend I do that. I want everyone to think that even with my three special children; I still have it all together. The fact is I don’t. I have a rocky relationship with Diva and constant hate myself for her not loving me the way she loves her father. I have a habit if atomically telling my children “no”, even if it them asking for water and I get irritated when they want to talk to me because I want just 5 more minutes to myself.

I’m trying; very hard. I’ve made progress but not enough. Every day I try harder. But as a mom, I know it’s not my best. I hope that day comes; hopefully before they move out of the house.

Tricare and Therapy Thursdays – Rubber Bands on Steroids


It’s has been a busy, yet productive, week in our house! I love these weeks and the weather makes it so much more enjoyable since I did a lot of running around. Rain boots clash with most of my outfits 🙂 Im always loving this weather in paradise. Also this week Bug started back to school!

Grades 1-5 started back on the 12, but our little wee ones did some small transition days into the classroom this week and start back next week full time. I am smiling ear to ear!

Bug, like most ASD kids, thrive on structure and he was thrilled Tuesday when he got to go to school. He asked to go yesterday and had a rough day when I told him he has to wait another day.

But then my mommy mind started buzzing with new thoughts about making sure my little bug was taken care of when I’m not with him. New school year means a new teacher. And Bug has a IEP and has a few tools he gets in the classroom. I know he isn’t even back to school full time, but I didn’t see any of his tools there are Tuesday.

One of the great tools we employ at school and home is the exercise band. It sounds so simple because it is. It helps his focus so much. Sadly, the one at home broke, but they are only a few bucks at Walmart.

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The exercise band is a simple massive rubber band. They use them in physical therapy and for working out. They are easy to take with you, easy to install and easy to use.

Bugs OT simple tied one between the chair legs on his seat at home. The OT at school did the same on his desk chair. It simple provides the user with a other way to focus their physical energy on something without taking away from their learning environment.

There are different resistances which is great as your child grows. And when they snap (think rubber bands) they are easy to replace.

Bug is able to concentrate more on his school work or task at hand because he can spend his physical energy flicking the band with his feet; which keeps his hands and mind more focused.

Tip{py} Tuesday


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Bug is a child of the digital age. He will never know how to dial a rotary phone, he won’t know what a dial tone sounds like and he will never have to rewind a VHS tape. The kid is glued to the tv when ever it is on. He will even watch infomercials. So any chance I can find a fun activity for him to do; I abuse it.

I loved playing cards and board games as a kid. I would play a single game of Monopoly that would last all summer. I am so excited for my kids to get to the age when they can play those older challenging games.

So I decided to start teaching him the basics. And since we are working hard on academics to prepare him for school I was happy with myself when I realized I was helping him learn his numbers too. Not only was he learning his numbers, he was working on his math too. We have taught Bug touch math and this is a great way to keep helping him.

Zac Browser – Internet Browser Designed for ASD Kids


I am excited this new find called Zac Browser.  I have some great teacher friends who often think of me and pass on anything they find might interest me. Recently, one of my friends shared with me a interesting site designed for ASD kids to use.  I havent yet introduce my kids to computers or the internet. They do have a Leapfrog Leappad2, a Leapfrog Explore and we upcycled our old iPhones. So I cant say I have downloaded and tried this specially designed internet browser yet, but I am hopefully going to be introducing our kids to computers over the summer to help with their summer education.