It’s been a hell of a week. No sleep, no help, no husband and still three kids I must nurture, feed and keep alive. They do have their moments though. Good thing they are cute, or id be selling them to the next salesman at my door.
But today should be a happy day. He is home. He is here. He is standing in the kitchen…in front of my freshly poured cup of coffee. Does this man not learn.
I see him standing there pouring a glass of milk. Ok, I’ll wait.
No, no, no! He’s leaning. Why is he leaning on the counter! Does he not see my coffee. I have been standing here patiently for 5 minutes watching the steam rise up off the cup. My mouth is watering. And he’s leaning! That’s it.
I love you husband but we both know I am not a morning person. Why? Don’t ask me why standing there all awake and happy.
What does he do next? Wraps me in a bear hug. What is this dude’s problem! I’m not awake. I’ve got crap I have to finish and your trying to sooth me like a newborn baby. Holding me as tightly as possibly is only cutting off my circulation to my brain. Anger is rising inside me. I just want to punch him in the face. But then I look over and she’s standing there; politely waiting for me. Those dark brown eyes, porcline skin and warm tender kisses.
We are walking to school. I only got to see you for 1.5 hours yesterday. I miss you; I need you. I want to feel your warmth and hold you. I keep looking down at you wanting to pick you up in my arms. But I can’t. I’m just not that multi talented. And now I have to wait even longer to have you. I miss you…coffee. But don’t worry, we will be reunited shortly. The kids are almost at school.
The moment when…just for one second you could be that girl in front of you at the check out. I recently was in a store purchasing a few household items. I grossly underestimated the items I needed and I politely pushed her items forward to get some of my things out of hands since I neglected to get a cart or a basket. As I did, I noticed her purchases. A pair of aviator style sunglasses, spray tanning bronzer, chap stick and three guilty pleasure magazines (I only term them as this because when I buy a magazine it is normally for a recipe or catching up on serious current life events.). I take notice of her clothes; a swimming suit cover up with her suit underneath. And then I look at what I am wearing; jeans, flip flops, tank top WITH a sweater over it. And then I look at what I’m buying – a coffee mug, K cup coffee cups, diapers, and a few random office supplies. Oh, did I forget to mention I had to stop at Starbucks BEFORE I bought my coffee, because I was out that morning and could barely function? And that is when I realized how much my life had changed. Obviously she was going to the beach alone; to sit and read and catch some rays. How I wanted to be her for one second. Just to feel the relaxation coursing through her body while she day dreams of what was ahead. Instead all I felt was the coffee coursing through my body and how fast I needed to get home. But when I got home, I looked around at the toys, dirty laundry, bed time books and my kids empty beds. I missed them, and wish they were at home with me that moment so I could give them all a hug. Like I said; I wished just for a moment I was that girl. But I am glad that for an entire life time I get to be THIS girl.