Tip{py} Tuesday: Learning Has Occurred; Fear the Mom Guilt


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Here’s a great parenting tip for you: try not to feel to guilty when your children test the rules you set for them and find out the hard way why there were rules in the first place. Really don’t beat yourself up over their learning experience. Ultimately, that was the result. It was a learning experience for your child and for you to see how your child would react when breaking the rules and receiving a negative consequence.  Hubs and I like to phrase it as “learning has occurred”.

Learning occurred on both parts this past weekend; with me and the spawn. There were tears shed, lots. There were stern words said, lots. And there were feelings of guilt, lots. Maybe I should start at the beginning of the events:

Every family has its own set of rules. Don’t touch hot stoves; don’t jump in the shower; fruit before snacks and so on. In our family we also have- don’t stick your arms out the car windows and tell us if you are going with mom/dad in a store.

Both older spawn broke those rules this weekend. As a mom I felt at first I should be sympatric. Diva was scared she got lost and Bug was sad because he got his finger stuck in the window as Hubs rolled it up. However, within a few seconds reality took over me and I smiled. I smiled big. I almost wanted to laugh. But I contained myself and pushed that feeling back down to the pit of my stomach. I asked Bug if it hurt when his finger got stuck. He said yes. I then asked him why it hurt and he said “because I didn’t listen to the rule”. I then asked Diva what happened to her that day. She said she got lost. I asked her how that felt and she replied sad and scared and that she never wanted to leave me again (maybe that backfired….)

Some people might think I was being rude, cold hearted, not loving enough or maybe I even suffer from a little bit of ASD myself. Call it what you want to, but I call it a victory for parents! Because? Learning has occurred.

So it’s tippy Tuesday; so where is my tip? Here it is: don’t feel mom guilt when your children learn their lesson. Diva was “lost” for a split second and Bug had a scare factor of about a 8. Both children are fine, no one broke a bone and no one was ever in immediate danger. For me, it’s the mom guilt I feel that makes me soft; feeling sorry for our children after they are hurt, babying them too much when they get a boo boo. There is a line we must not cross as parents in order for our children to learn the right way how to follow rules and understand their own limits. Otherwise, learning will never occur.

 

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