Tip{py} Tuesday: Learning Has Occurred; Fear the Mom Guilt


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Here’s a great parenting tip for you: try not to feel to guilty when your children test the rules you set for them and find out the hard way why there were rules in the first place. Really don’t beat yourself up over their learning experience. Ultimately, that was the result. It was a learning experience for your child and for you to see how your child would react when breaking the rules and receiving a negative consequence.  Hubs and I like to phrase it as “learning has occurred”.

Learning occurred on both parts this past weekend; with me and the spawn. There were tears shed, lots. There were stern words said, lots. And there were feelings of guilt, lots. Maybe I should start at the beginning of the events:

Every family has its own set of rules. Don’t touch hot stoves; don’t jump in the shower; fruit before snacks and so on. In our family we also have- don’t stick your arms out the car windows and tell us if you are going with mom/dad in a store.

Both older spawn broke those rules this weekend. As a mom I felt at first I should be sympatric. Diva was scared she got lost and Bug was sad because he got his finger stuck in the window as Hubs rolled it up. However, within a few seconds reality took over me and I smiled. I smiled big. I almost wanted to laugh. But I contained myself and pushed that feeling back down to the pit of my stomach. I asked Bug if it hurt when his finger got stuck. He said yes. I then asked him why it hurt and he said “because I didn’t listen to the rule”. I then asked Diva what happened to her that day. She said she got lost. I asked her how that felt and she replied sad and scared and that she never wanted to leave me again (maybe that backfired….)

Some people might think I was being rude, cold hearted, not loving enough or maybe I even suffer from a little bit of ASD myself. Call it what you want to, but I call it a victory for parents! Because? Learning has occurred.

So it’s tippy Tuesday; so where is my tip? Here it is: don’t feel mom guilt when your children learn their lesson. Diva was “lost” for a split second and Bug had a scare factor of about a 8. Both children are fine, no one broke a bone and no one was ever in immediate danger. For me, it’s the mom guilt I feel that makes me soft; feeling sorry for our children after they are hurt, babying them too much when they get a boo boo. There is a line we must not cross as parents in order for our children to learn the right way how to follow rules and understand their own limits. Otherwise, learning will never occur.

 

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Mommy Moment Monday…Raising Conscientious Kids…


Good morning everybody!  Hope you had a fabulous weekend.  We are getting a ton of rain here in Tennessee, but our prayers are with those affected by the awful tornadoes in Arkansas.

As a mom you try to teach your kids to be conscientious (thank God for spell check, I never did learn how to spell that word!).  You know, the pleases and thank-yous, sharing, saying sorry when you hurt someone with a put-down or a push ( and oh-so-many other examples), and just being aware of others in general.

This is a challenge for any parent, but for a parent of kiddos on the autism spectrum it can be especially challenging.  Kids with ASD can’t always read body language or facial expressions to know when someone is hurt or sad.  They may not understand the niceties of manners or political correctness.  That doesn’t mean they can’t learn those things, it just means that where other kids may just pick things up through social awareness, ours may need some training and coaching.

I remember the first time my son said “God bless you,” to me when I sneezed.  I was so proud!  That’s a big one for me.  I’ll say it to strangers in a store if they sneeze when I pass them 🙂  We all have our “things,” right?  Pleases and thank-yous are also strong currency in my house.  It is so much easier to help and serve others when there is gratitude.

So, all of that said, this is something my husband and I feel strongly about, and we’ve been working with our kiddos on this stuff for years.  Which leads me to the breakthrough we had over the weekend…I don’t live in a fancy house full of expensive things.  We are very blessed and have a beautiful home but it’s not like we have fine art and sculptures on display.  The things in our home that are valuable to us are so because of the sentimental value rather than the price tag.  That’s why when my kids break or mistreat things in our home it gets me two different ways.  I’m not talking about kids just being kids, or toddlers falling down and taking down a table with them.  It’s when my boys are just not paying attention or doing something they know they are not supposed to do (you can usually tell this by the guilty look on their face) that I have a hard time.

Case in point, here are the stairs leading down to our first floor where they boys spend a ton of time playing with their toys.

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I have a ton of pictures hung up on either side of the stairwell.  It does kind of seem like I’m booby-trapping my boys, I mean what kid can resist running his hand down the wall as he runs down the stairs even though there’s a perfectly good handrail on the other side? (not mine, I can tell you).  Hey, we’re a military family and we live far from home.  I like to have pictures up of family and friends to feel closer to them.

The picture on the bottom of the left side has had more than it’s fair share of drops, falls, and oopses.  Running kids’ hands, balls, and flying dinosaurs have knocked that particular frame down the most.  It’s a picture of my parents when they were dating in high school and it’s extra special to me.  Which helps to explain the conniption fit I feel rising in my chest every time they knock it down.  We have had many talks, I’ve had them help me hang it back up, practiced walking down the stairs properly, etc., etc.  They are getting better.

Which brings me back to that break-through I was telling you about.  I was working on the computer this past weekend, when my youngest came up to me and handed me this…

mom and dad pic

The aforementioned picture of my parents.  To be honest, I felt irritated.  I took the picture and put it aside, telling him, “I’ll hang it up in a few minutes.”  That’s when I noticed him hovering next to my chair, with a look of unrest on his face.  I realized he wanted me to fix it now.  It was important to him!  Hallelujah!  He had knocked it down and instead of just leaving it on the floor he came all the way upstairs to hand it to me.  And it mattered to him that it go back in its rightful place!!!  I raced my happy little self to go hang it and gave him a hug and thanked him.  After that he was already on to the next thing but I couldn’t help but just stand there and feel proud of him.  All the teaching, advice, and training was getting in amidst all the flying dinos, balls, and running up and down the stairs.

Here the picture in its rightful place…

close up of dating wall

That’s hubby and me ten years ago when we were dating, my-inlaws right before they got married over 40 years ago, and my parents in high school in the fifties.

Now I have another reason to be happy when I look at this wall.  Have a great week!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Foodie Friday: Sloppy Joe Pockets


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In my never ending quest to make my kids get used to eating more than the five food they do, I stumbled upon another extremely easy and parent pleasing meal. All to often I am finding meals that either tailor to a parents or a kids taste pallet but never the same at once.

Kids love sloppy joes for their sloppyness. When else can kids make a mess at meal time and get away with it. But parents (and my non-typical children) hate the mere quality that most kids enjoy about sloppy joes- the mess. Sorry, but I really don’t want to be licking my fingers and have food spread all over my face. I left those years long ago.

So enter a incredibly smart solution. One which I can not take credit for- the sloppy joe pocket. I found the recipe on Pinterest and after the first take we adapted the recipe. I’ll include the original and our version (which we think is better).

Ingredients:

1 pound ground beef
1 can manwich
Cheese
Pillsbury flaky biscuits

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Make manwich mixture according to directions on can. Flatten each biscuit and lay on baking sheet. Spoon 3 tspb of mixture onto half of flattened biscuit and top with cheese. Then fold the other half of the biscuit to make a pocket. Use a fork to press the edges together. Bake for 14 or until golden brown.

It was good. But we did better.

We used the same ingredients. However, we used American slides cheese (half a slice) instead of the shredded cheddar the original recipe suggested and we used Pillsbury grands buttermilk biscuits instead of the flakey ones. We found the flakey ones made to much bread. We also baked for 6min. Enjoy!

TriCare/ Therapy Thursday…what to do with unstructured time?


So as I’ve shared on oh-so-many posts, my kiddos have a ton of weekly appointments on top of their school day. Most nights we aren’t “off the clock” until well after 5:00 or even 6:00 pm.

However, summer is soon to be upon us, which will mean a lot less structured time. I saw this and thought it was a super cute way to involve kids in coming up with positive ways to keep themselves entertained and active. I always say, ” I’m not a cruise ship activities director!” :). Here’s to having a happy, positive and fun summer in between all of our appointments 🙂

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Wordy Wednesday: Tricare ABA; Let’s Beat a Dead Horse


Yes, I know. We have touched on this topic before…like 10 times. You read it in your social media feeds almost daily with all the changes, laws, and rants about it. So why am I sitting here wasting your time again? For the same reasons I did last time. Things are a changin’.

First off, let me provide you with this freaking awesome chart explaining the differences in the Tricare ABA programs there currently are- Tricare_ABA_Comparison_Chart_March2014 that was American Military Families Autism Support Community (AMFAS). I belong to the one in our region and the group for the region we are moving too. They each have their own Facebook pages and support groups by location. I’m a big advocate of being able to communicate when you need to communicate immediately to answer questions. I hate mulling over a question I have waiting for a office or store to open their telephone lines or doors. I love social media because I can almost instantaneously get an answer to my question.

I am linked to AMFAS via Facebook and yesterday a new meme caught my eye and sent me into a panic reading over their article.

AMFAS.ORG had that scrolling across my Facebook account. GAH, FFFFFT! Those weren’t exactly the words I used. But for the sake of not offending our readers, I will keep it PG. Enter a few eye rolls and I was more than a little irritated. Riddle me this Batman, didn’t we just go through changes. Changes that were so unrealistic and ridiculous, that they were resended? Um, yea. So why are trying to do this again? Nevertheless, a Tricare ABA consolidation program is coming this year.

I do understand that some of the retirees are not getting the level of care they need and qualify for and there are a few other issues arising from the current programs. However, the more I mull it over I realize this is basically Tricare trying to cut costs again and streamline programs. AMFAS provided two links to reports given to congress

Report 1

Report 2

 

Head on over to AMFAS for more information regarding the Tricare ABA consolidation program.