Wordy Wednesday- Lumbar Puncture (evil!)


Lumbar Puncture is a seemingly acknowledgable realization that it will hurt. You hear the word lumbar puncture, or spinal tap, and most people instantly know it evolves pain and needles going into your spine. No normal mentally stable person sees it as a easy light-hearted procedure fixed with a band-aid at the end. According to the Mayo Clinic – “Lumbar puncture (spinal tap) is performed in your lower back, in the lumbar region. During lumbar puncture, a needle is inserted between two lumbar bones (vertebrae) to remove a sample of cerebrospinal fluid — the fluid that surrounds your brain and spinal cord to protect them from injury.”

Oh how I love doctors {snicker} and I love how they tell you to be on bed rest; when your a mom- of three- with special needs kids- and a military wife. If anyone of our readers has ever been pregnant or had medical issues that required this, I’m sure the directions came with quite a laugh.

The first time for me was when I was 29 weeks pregnant with Diva and Bug was only 16 months old. She was impatient; and still is. We were living in Fort Rucker, AL. Think boonies, with lots of helicopters and peanut fields. Don’t live there if you have a peanut allergy. But it can be a pregnant woman’s dream! Driving into town early in the morning and get a amazing whiff of peanut butter in the air. It would send me into a ranging pregnancy hormone induced food coma. No grocery store was safe. Which was also how I discovered that Piggy Wiggly was a actual brick and mortar store and not something cooked up by the movie scene builders like in Loony Tunes and Acme. I honestly thought Piggly Wiggly was made up. Sort of like the 555 prefixes in movies. I was scared to discover the store was real. I haven’t been in one since. Yes, you can all laugh.

These past few days I have spent thinking about the past and how far we have come and how much our family has grown and changed. From peanuts to pineapples I often say. Your probably wondering what I am even yammering on about. I meant to type this up for yesterday, but was still vastly recovering from some medical issues I experienced last week. In hine sight, the results are humorous, yet still knife stabbingly painful. But Ill let you in on my pain.

I had a spinal tap (lumbar puncture) last Wednesday. They are testing for a cause to some symptoms I have been experiencing. At this point I am really hoping for at least a treatment plan, but a diagnosis is a bonus. They removed 12cc of spinal fluid and 4 vials of blood. I have had a spinal tap before and experienced excruciating headaches. But it was also under major duress on a gurney in the ER with out numbification. Trust me- you want numbification when they are sticking a very long needle into your spine.

So I figured with a scheduled appointment, in the radiology department (not in the ER) with a actual radiologist with x rays doing the procedure; I might make it off that exam table on my own two feet. Nevertheless, as a precaution, they sling loaded me onto a bed and rolled me into recovery.

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My first realization that something wasn’t going to be right, was the fact that when I told the nurse my back was hurting they assured me it was just the local wearing off. Who cares that some magical mystery murdering man was stabbing my hip with a theoretical 14 inch knife. Then slashing it down my thigh every movement I made. Just saying; guess that didn’t count. After a hour I was loaded into the car and we drove home to pick up the girls from care. I was instructed to be on bed rest for at least the rest of the day. Having prior experience with the sides effects, I didn’t need to be instructed twice. But so far, no headaches! YEA, YEa, Yea, yea….

It was all a illusion… A magical world, my mind decided to invent to keep my self sane, while the chaos of my household surrounded me. Hubs was amazing. He picked the kids up from school, dealt with their tutors and therapists, feed, bathed then, read to them, sang to them and kissed them goodnight. But as we all know, moms have our own ways of running the house. You vacuum after every meal; make the kids brush their teeth in the shower to prevent toothpaste art on the mirror; and brush their wet hair BEFORE going to bed! GAH! But I didn’t complain because I didn’t care. He took the initiative to and never asked for for help, or what shampoo they use, or what to feed them for dinner. {HE WAS AMAZING}

That first night I was semi-conscious. Basically, my brain was dehydrated and like after a long run, needed refueling and rest. I figured the next day I would be golden. I talked to Hubs about driving the kids the .5 miles to school. He disagreed and felt I would be able to make it, magical murdering man stabbing me in my hip and all. I made it about….. .25 miles before I called him at PT to come pick up my sorry butt. It was then the realization that no normal drugs were going to help this pain. Off to the ER I went. One hour later, hugging my pill bottles, I settled down into bed wrapped in my warm blanky… and then all hell broke lose.

The recovery from a spinal tap is a tricky thing. Laying down flat your cerebral fluid levels calm down. You feel perfectly fine. So fine in fact you feel great. You even can say you feel amazing. And that my friends in when your mind lies! Lies like a rug on the floor.

The next thing you know, you feel great. Decide its time for a shower and a little freshening up. Until about two step past the bed. The immense pressure from the low spinal fluid hits. Making you feel like your ears are going to explode, which renders your equilibrium null and void. You hit your knees on the ground hard and try grasping for the bedspread to hoist yourself back up. But its too late. The headache is so severe, you go blind and can’t see. Which then leads us to the awesome realization…. your going to throw up. But you can’t see and you can’t move. You have no idea where you are in the room in relationship to bathroom. Oh yes folks, it was AWEsome.
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Don’t get up. Ever. My happy pills didn’t work on that pain. But I will forever be indebted for my dad telling me to take Ibuprofen.

 

*no babies were harmed in the production of this blog post. Even mad, she is SOO cute!

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